Dreaming again...and finally...COMICS!!!

Well, that dream that I wrote about in a previous post...the one about the ocean that was representative of my art (and life)...I had another one similar to it about 3 days ago. In the dream, I was floating in the ocean, which seemed like an endless dark expanse. The sky was dark, and there was no land in sight. Funny thing is, I wasn't there alone. I don't know who was with me, but whoever it was, we where holding on to each other in the water. Next thing I know, this dragon "thing" (like one of the Nasgul's beasts) rose up out of the water, us on its back, and carried us to a tower sticking up out of the ocean. Funny thing is, I hadn't seen the Return of the King in months. I don't know exactly what that meant, but I'm sure I'll find out in time.

As well, I keep having dreams about relatives (some alive, some deceased)...for some reason, we all seem to be in a really fucked up ghetto neighborhood, with danger seemingly lurking everywhere. I don't know why that is, although I'm always afraid of losing another family member. I have always been close to them, and even now I wish I could spend more time with them. Maybe it's representative of the fact that they could go at any time, and being in a shitty, dangerous neighborhood is how it represents itself.

Why can't I just have dreams with naked chicks in them?

On a lighter note, I just got a bunch of new comics from a shop out in my area. YAHOO!!! Finally! My wife and I were cruising a local street fair and there happened to be a shop in the vicinity. I stopped in, and she treated me to some books. Ah!!! Nirvana! I caught up on some of my JSA and got Countdown to Infinite Crisis...yes!!! Good stuff! Gimme more!!

Sorry, I'm a greedy bastard!

Thoughts....

Just some random stuff floating about in my head...

I'm not alone...ever

In my last blog, I spoke metaphorically about taking this great leap into the unknown, into that scary part that would put me closer to achieving my goals than ever before. Often, I feel like I'm doing that alone, but I have to remember...I'm not. I believe that throughout the course of my life, a higher power has been with me on my journey. Now before you say to yourself "Oh crap! Not another Jesus freak!", let me say this...Yes I do believe in God; Yes I do believe in Jesus; And no, I do not condemn anyone who doesn't. I'm not a right wing hardcore fundamentalist Christian or religious fanatic. I'm just a man who feels connected to this "Higher" power/God/Jesus/Buddha/etc... It's something that I can't describe, but it's this feeling that I get that helps me through all the bad times, and reminds me when something good happens, just how luck I really am. It's this feeling that helps me to forgive when someone wrongs me and I just want to hack him/her into a million pieces with an axe. It's that same feeling that asks me to reach out to that person to see what's wrong and how I can help. I call it God, someone else may call it an angel, enlightenment, compassion, faith, etc...the label doesn't really matter. It's the feeling of goodwill and strength of perseverence that matters. For a while there, however, I felt so alone. I felt detached and estranged. I was buried so deep in emotional and mental stress that I lost all hope...I lost all love. I never felt so alone in my life, I had never before fallen to such despairity. Yet in my darkest hour (to date of course), there was something that helped me to go on...that little "nudge" that pushed me to continue. When I didn't want to talk with anyone, it reminded me that I had friends and family that loved me. When I had closed my heart to love, and opened myselft to hate, it helped me to reverse myself and love again. When I forgot who I was...when I didn't have an inkling about myself or my art...it found me and helped me to find myself. Now I feel better, I feel stronger, and I feel like I'm finding myself, and I can do just about anything. My faith is restored...and God walks with me, so being alone is not an option, in fact it never was...

And as a departure from the deeply spiritual thoughts above...

I seriously need to get back into a damn comic book store, working the weekends at Border's just isn't cutting it as far as getting my comics fix. My God, I can't remember the last time I bought comics at a direct market store. Ahhh, I miss it so much! Walking into a room filled with books and sweaty geeks. The smell of old paper filling my nostrils...the new comics lining the shelves ready for me to pluck them out, one by one...The back issues calling my name..."Alex come find me, I'm trapped here with all the shitty books from the speculator's era!" Then after and hours worth of digging, I find those wonderful back issues...and trust me, I've found some good shit. That's what I get for living out in the middle of no where.

Oh well, what are you gonna do?