GROWING UP...
If anyone is reading this...howdy again, I've returned. My last two blogs started off with me stating that I took a brief hiatus, and this one is no different. I was busy, sorry...actually no, I'm not sorry. I don't really have to make excuses for my time anymore. It's not that I'm trying to be an asshole, it's just that I finally realized something at 34 years of age:
"No one really really gives a shit about anyone except themselves."
And before I explain myself, let me just say amend the previous statement. There are people out there that care about others, but you will be hard pressed to find someone who will inconvience themselves to help you when you really need it. People who are unconditional in their love and sacrifice for others are extremely rare (besides Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, etc...), if you're lucky you will have parents or a spouse who will do anything for you. Most people, however, fall into the category of "if it doesn't interfere with my plans or bother me, I'll help you out", and I can't say I blame them. C'mon, we've all bent over backwards, and maybe even sacrificed something, to help out someone who eventually would spurn us when we needed the favor reciprocated. After that, people learn really fast to limit their level of assistance...Me, I'm kinda hard headed, and a late bloomer. It took me a while, but I learned...
If I look back over the course of my life, there are defining moments which screamed to me to realize this:
Asking friends where there got that cool shirt or pair of pants, and they would reply with..."I can't remember..." or "I don't know, I got it as a birthday gift..." While both of these are valid answers (and in some cases true), I eventually found a bullshit translator which helped me to decipher these answers, ie: "Hey, I'm such a paranoid and selfish fuck that I don't want to say where I got these clothes so that you don't buy some and we look like twins. I want to be the only asshole wearing them!!"
Asking to borrow notes from a classmate when I was sick, I got "Sorry, the last time I let someone borrow my notes I never got them back..." Bullshit translation: "Even though I know you and we've been hanging out, and I could just let you photocopy them...FUCK YOU! I'm not going to judge you on your own merit and just assume that you're going to fuck me!"
Here's a common one that crosses over into a lot of different areas...Asking a friend or relative for a favor, especially when you have bent over backwards to help them on several occasions...and the reply is: "Sorry I can't , I have to take care of some stuff..." Bullshit translation: "Even though you've helped me, sorry fucker, I don't just don't feel like doing that shit for you...even though I'm doing nothing!"
That last one really burns me up...
What brings all of this about...well recently, I asked a co-worker to cover a late shift that I had so that I could go and hang my art for an art show. Now, I cover for people all the time, especially when they really need it, and I've covered for this person too, so I figure it will be no problem. WRONG!. My co-worker is working a morning shift at 6am the following day, so they refused stating that they wouldn't get any sleep. Now, normally I can understand...but, this co-worker regularly stays up (with no fucking sleep!) to play video games! I have seen her come in drowsy and red eyed from staying up all night on the computer, chatting or gaming. No matter how much I begged her, she would not do it...at that moment my boyish outlook on life changed. I realized that no matter how important something is, people just don't give a fuck! I don't know why at that moment, maybe it's because the show is so important to me, but it just all sank in.
I learned from my mom (who is unconditional in her love for us) to be caring, kind, and to help others when they need it. If my mom only had a dollar, and someone needed it, then she gave it to them. That really impressed me, and I felt deep inside that I had to be the same, but I really took it to an ideal level. I would sacrifice myself for others to help them when they really needed it, and although they appreciated it...I was very very hard pressed to find someone to do the same for me...Because although people will help you, they may only do it when it's not a bother...And that is that way of the world.
So back to now...After years of experiencing this, it's all finally sunken in...and I feel like I'm growing up. The idealology that man can be so much more than he currently is, fades away and will only be reserved for fiction and creative endeavors. Man is a selfish bastard, and although I can hope, the reality of the situation is that no one can look out for me, except for...me. No one will understand me and my needs better than me. There is no Lone Ranger coming to whisk away all my problems or help me...I have to do it. Yes, people will still help me, but I won't expect it of them. People will still support me, but I won't expect them to sacrifice for me. It's all really up to me. There is no job security, there are no raises, no promotions...I have to create them all for myself. I am the spear head that pushes my dreams forward, cuts through the bullshit, and hits that target. No one will do it for me, but when I make it, they'll come out to bask in my sunshine...oh well, that's life.
Doesn't have to be, but it is.
You know, this is one of the best lessons I've learned,
...better late than never too...
"No one really really gives a shit about anyone except themselves."
And before I explain myself, let me just say amend the previous statement. There are people out there that care about others, but you will be hard pressed to find someone who will inconvience themselves to help you when you really need it. People who are unconditional in their love and sacrifice for others are extremely rare (besides Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, etc...), if you're lucky you will have parents or a spouse who will do anything for you. Most people, however, fall into the category of "if it doesn't interfere with my plans or bother me, I'll help you out", and I can't say I blame them. C'mon, we've all bent over backwards, and maybe even sacrificed something, to help out someone who eventually would spurn us when we needed the favor reciprocated. After that, people learn really fast to limit their level of assistance...Me, I'm kinda hard headed, and a late bloomer. It took me a while, but I learned...
If I look back over the course of my life, there are defining moments which screamed to me to realize this:
Asking friends where there got that cool shirt or pair of pants, and they would reply with..."I can't remember..." or "I don't know, I got it as a birthday gift..." While both of these are valid answers (and in some cases true), I eventually found a bullshit translator which helped me to decipher these answers, ie: "Hey, I'm such a paranoid and selfish fuck that I don't want to say where I got these clothes so that you don't buy some and we look like twins. I want to be the only asshole wearing them!!"
Asking to borrow notes from a classmate when I was sick, I got "Sorry, the last time I let someone borrow my notes I never got them back..." Bullshit translation: "Even though I know you and we've been hanging out, and I could just let you photocopy them...FUCK YOU! I'm not going to judge you on your own merit and just assume that you're going to fuck me!"
Here's a common one that crosses over into a lot of different areas...Asking a friend or relative for a favor, especially when you have bent over backwards to help them on several occasions...and the reply is: "Sorry I can't , I have to take care of some stuff..." Bullshit translation: "Even though you've helped me, sorry fucker, I don't just don't feel like doing that shit for you...even though I'm doing nothing!"
That last one really burns me up...
What brings all of this about...well recently, I asked a co-worker to cover a late shift that I had so that I could go and hang my art for an art show. Now, I cover for people all the time, especially when they really need it, and I've covered for this person too, so I figure it will be no problem. WRONG!. My co-worker is working a morning shift at 6am the following day, so they refused stating that they wouldn't get any sleep. Now, normally I can understand...but, this co-worker regularly stays up (with no fucking sleep!) to play video games! I have seen her come in drowsy and red eyed from staying up all night on the computer, chatting or gaming. No matter how much I begged her, she would not do it...at that moment my boyish outlook on life changed. I realized that no matter how important something is, people just don't give a fuck! I don't know why at that moment, maybe it's because the show is so important to me, but it just all sank in.
I learned from my mom (who is unconditional in her love for us) to be caring, kind, and to help others when they need it. If my mom only had a dollar, and someone needed it, then she gave it to them. That really impressed me, and I felt deep inside that I had to be the same, but I really took it to an ideal level. I would sacrifice myself for others to help them when they really needed it, and although they appreciated it...I was very very hard pressed to find someone to do the same for me...Because although people will help you, they may only do it when it's not a bother...And that is that way of the world.
So back to now...After years of experiencing this, it's all finally sunken in...and I feel like I'm growing up. The idealology that man can be so much more than he currently is, fades away and will only be reserved for fiction and creative endeavors. Man is a selfish bastard, and although I can hope, the reality of the situation is that no one can look out for me, except for...me. No one will understand me and my needs better than me. There is no Lone Ranger coming to whisk away all my problems or help me...I have to do it. Yes, people will still help me, but I won't expect it of them. People will still support me, but I won't expect them to sacrifice for me. It's all really up to me. There is no job security, there are no raises, no promotions...I have to create them all for myself. I am the spear head that pushes my dreams forward, cuts through the bullshit, and hits that target. No one will do it for me, but when I make it, they'll come out to bask in my sunshine...oh well, that's life.
Doesn't have to be, but it is.
You know, this is one of the best lessons I've learned,
...better late than never too...
posted by aldoggartist at 10:27 AM
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